Oh, just a plank

Changing my tune a little bit. This is how this whole journey has been for me and I used to beat myself up about it. I make a choice and then I change my mind. It's a little like a giant leap forward and then swimming halfway back to shore and grabbing a plank of floating wood, hanging on for a bit while I decide my next move. It's how I am and I have come to accept that it's part of my decision making process. I am decisive and make a big deal about something, close to obsession then I step back and re-evaluate. I rework the sculpture, as it were. So, here I am, pending unemployment, stretching my timeline and adding two big trips in the meantime. Sometimes, we move forward on faith and a gut feeling alone and that's where I am at right now. I have been under the illusion that once we have our citizenship I have to act fast. It suddenly occurred to me that I don't. That's forever, barring any international scandals. We can take a long trip. I can homeschool the kids and take them there first. To assure us all that we'll love it. To explore, to learn, to play. To show them it's not as far as we all think. To show myself that. I am so excited at the prospect of working for myself, having this unbroken time with my sons to learn the same as they are, to learn alongside them. This also means reshaping my relationship with money. It will come back. If you invest in your life, your enrichment, your adventure, your money will come back to you. It just will. I can't hoard it, waiting for some magical moment to manifest and suddenly I'm 80 and my kids have their own full lives and I haven't taught them to enjoy it yet. No. I don't want that. Now is the time. I wish that for all of you. Look at your relationship with what scares you. Mine is money. And it has shown in my struggles over the years. It's what I want to shake. What is yours? Is it fear of the unknown? Is it your relationship with your partner? Is it being alone? Our "hooks," as it is, are all different and so unique to us and I believe if we start to look at those things, accept them for what they are (a pain body, that hinders us), we can shake those old skins off and be better and more peaceful. I am trying, anyway.